If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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