i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
