Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Two words: blizzard sex
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
