im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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