I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
