after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
is this the sara with the beer cane?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
