I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
