He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
