When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
