Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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