first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
