can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
