I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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