Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
