dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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