I wannas sexs uuuuu
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
