he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
