how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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