In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
