It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
