Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
