Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
