Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
