I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
