based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
