Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
