Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
