I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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