My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
