when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
