Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
