She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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