The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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