The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
