i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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