If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
