..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
