How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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