Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
