Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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