How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
