So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize