i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
