i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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