One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
