I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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