you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
