Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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