now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize