did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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