Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
