her vagine was all disorganized.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
