the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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