He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
