i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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