Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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