Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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