These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
