He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
