Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
