All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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