I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
