And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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