I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
