i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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