Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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