She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
