all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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