Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
