Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
