I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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